Many couples complain that there is a lack of communication and connection within their relationship. One partner doesn’t feel appreciated, loved, or validated. Because of these core problems, there are a slew of other issues that stem from it. Sure, each person knows that they are loved, but they don’t necessarily feel loved. There is some kind of disconnect between the pair.
Many couples will experience this problem at some time during their relationship, especially those who simply don’t put any effort into trying to understand their partner’s specific style of communication. When you do discover and understand their communication style, you’ll be able to communicate more effectively.
There are five different types of love languages. A love language is how you show your partner that you care, and it can be used to enhance passion, avoid or solve a problem, forge a strong connection, as well as sustain the feeling of being loved.
Most of us have one or two love languages that we require in order to feel truly loved. You should never assume that your partner shares the same love languages as you do, and you should also assume that this will change over time.
Affirmations – These are things that you say to one another to show that you appreciate them being your partner and in your life; whether you say that you love them, compliment them, or sing their praises.
Deeds – These are things that you do to show your affections and appreciation for your partner. These can be acts of selflessness and consideration.
Gifts – These tokens of your affection and appreciation are given not just on special occasions, but sometimes just out of spontaneity too.
Quality Time – This is about the time you spend together without distractions. No phones, no interruptions, nothing!
Physical Touch – We aren’t just talking about intercourse, we are talking about touching their arm while you talk, a back rub when they get home after a long day, a hug…
Men and women often have very different ideas of how you show your partner that you love them. As it turns out, men are under the misunderstanding that women need to be pampered and showered with gifts, when in truth a lot of women prefer small things like a simple card, a handwritten note, and other sweet sentiments. These tend to go a lot further in the feelings department then just an expensive bauble from the jewelry store.
Women, on the other hand, believe that men require physical intimacy in order to feel love. They mistakenly assume that this is just sex, but in truth, a man just wants to be touched.
There are five steps you can take to communicate better with your partner.
- Choose your love language. Which of the five languages feels more organic to you and what makes you feel loved the most?
- Write down which language you thing you partner wants. You should also take note of how you show your love in their desired language.
- Ask your partner to do step 1 and step 2. You may be surprised to learn how different (or similar!) your languages are.
- Both of you should list the other four languages in order of importance. Are there any similarities between the lists?
- Experiment and Explore. For five days, do each of the five languages for one another, starting with the least important language first. This will create a positive momentum and by the end of the experiment, you both will have discovered what truly works for either person.